We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
