so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
