I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
