Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
