Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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