ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize