I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
