member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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