if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
