We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
