Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Even my vagina gasped.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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