you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
