it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
