Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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