I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Randomize
