Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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