You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
