sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
