Ambien. No doubt about it.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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