What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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