My liver just broke up with me...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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