Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
