i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
