Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
