My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
