Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
