someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Randomize
