so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
