EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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