Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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