oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize