How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
