You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
