Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
