Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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