I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
