whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
