I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
