His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
