i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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