do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
