reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
