highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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