i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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