if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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