currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
im calling her cock vulture from now on
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
