mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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