in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
