She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
