They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
