It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
