well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
