I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
