He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
