I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
