Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
