I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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