Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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