I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
