two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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