My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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