So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
