You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
