jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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