come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
