Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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