That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
